Look, mom, both hands.

I'm learning all sorts of stuff.

Ambidexterity.

Unassisted triple play, and Troy's confusion.

I want to train my kids to speak two languages, use of either hand for anything, and to party hard no matter what. This should help them become flash in the pan celebrities.

Any father would be proud.

Bea Arthur and the Trekkies and my physics professor

So once upon a time a man read this about TV Taboos, which features a lot of Star Trek and Golden Girls and Jason Bateman.

Then he scrunched up his nose, put a finger to his glasses, and angrily typed out the following, and then went to teach his Physics class at CU Boulder:

"First Bisexuals: Star Trek's 1967 episode "The Trouble With Tribbles" features Tribbles, adorable fuzzy creatures who reproduce constantly and swing both ways. Some would argue that Tribbles were also television's first Furries.

Actually they were asexual and reproduced through parthenogenesis. You really should do your research if you're going to write an article like this.

Dr. McCoy said that they were born pregnant and that they'd reproduce if they were fed enough."

Here's to Ashton

1. To celebrate @aplusk getting 1 million and the subsequent death of Twitter.

2. Never again the whole quantities on an empty stomach.

Twitter: Sure, this room is full of people who have followers...

but no one is getting laid with the Weezer-wannabe motif. Especially sweater vest guy on the right.

Another reason to stay in the boat.

His thoughts are transparent
In head o'er one heart calloused
To the cares of the surface-
In preference for the deep.

I call him clear-headed-fishy-fish,
because his head is clear like water,
and he is a fish,
like the kind that in the water.

- George W. Bush

Your choice II.

Read the Daily Sentinel's front page or pretty much any other po-dunk paper in the world's front page at Newseum.

Your choice.

You can either open up the Sunday Sears ad or look at this guy to see a tool.

A link between two links suggested by GMAIL

Say it in with your l's being r's and your r's being w's and darn it, if it doesn't sound like a study by the Hollywood Chinese (who made Barack look better than he is so that he could get in and soften up our defenses so we can be annihilated by nukes and those tiny motors in all those trinket-toys!)

"American women love markdowns and tend to shop impulsively."

Source 1

Source 2

Feel free to send this as a forward to your hyper-conservative parents. I will be sure to have my liberal elite friends who control the tubes in serial fashion to re-edit Snopes.com for veracity validation vindication.

Hypocrite!

So I found when typing in a web-address in my iPhone that "~" was not available.

I remember sometimes seeing sites with a %7e instead of a tilde.

I found this site to confirm that business.

Then realized that for a guy who advocates not using "~", he frickin' used a tilde in his web address.

He probably texts messages to his own Facebook wall during movies that I'm in as well.

Jay-hole.

Giving back

I just edited my first Wikipedia article:
I changed "failture" to "failure."

No please. Don't thank me.

1984 is 25 years old

I think I got every reference in this 1984 Superbowl ad - which is pretty good for being 2 years old when it aired.

As a side note: My dad once dated the woman athlete in the ad. Well one date. She was too handsy and he is a man of principle - do the math. One date.

I know, I know -- but he's actually a leg man.

Recently had a friend change his last name from Pincock to Blackford.

This guy had the courage to stick his name out, albeit, his last name is easier to stick out. I need a photo of Prof. Titman scowling down Jayne Mansfield's breasts, similar to this:

Logic

My cat scratched me when I was 7 (I have the scar to prove it) so I can kill anyone I want, right?

Precedence in the making?

Do this now.

I typically have my 1st tab and 2nd tab in Firefox as GMail and Google Calendar, respectively.

Not any more.

There are two lab settings that I think are just great: 1) The Google Calendar in Gmail, and 2) the navbar drag and drop.

This is what I recommend: turn on the two lab settings mentioned above. Then, drag the calendar in GMail as high as it can go, and minimize everything else. Now that you have your calendar in your GMail, you don't need those reminder emails from Google Calendars (the ones you forget to delete over the year and have to waste Christmas Night discarding). To mass turn off default reminders, go into Google Calendars settings and "remove" the default reminder. This should turn off a vast majority of your reminder emails. Now, take a breath, and close your 2nd tab.

Or put pandora.com there instead.

Now whenever you hear a song you like, just hit ctrl+2 and give it a thumbs up, like the one your mom gave you when got a sack in the championship game!

Rudy!

Super Troopers has predicted a lot of things.

http://blog.wired.com/defense/2008/11/darpas-flying-c.html


Farva: It doesn't matter cause I'm going to win ten million dollars.
Thorny: What are you going to do with ten million dollars, and you can't say buy the Cleveland Cavaliers.
Farva: I'd buy a ten million dollar car.
Thorny: That's a good investment but I'd still pull you over.
Farva: Bull Shit. You couldn't pull me over, and even if you did I'd activate my car's wings and I'd fly away.
[Farva pulls off ticket from cup and pop spills all over him from the hole behind the ticket]
Farva: Dammit, you burger punk. You son of a bitch!

I will become a Madman

The cleverness of the pitch has really impressed me.

Believing

The following have caused me to believe again:

1) In the City of Charm, we have an abandoned statement about the city: "Believe". It was supposed to scare drug dealers and junkies to stop what they were doing, right there in the moment and take a shower and a shave and join the gainfully employed. Well, there are lots of variations of the parody, most being in black background / white font as the original. I saw the best one yet the other day in Hampden:

Pretend.

2) Seeing Josh Hamilton, the newest and greatest rock star Christian athlete since AC Green swore he would not so much as accidentally put his wiener on a surface where a woman had been within 20 feet of, hit 28 homers in the Homerun Derby last night.

3) This.

And that's how I returned to blogging. Thanks, Patrick, for 3).

Learn from your mistakes. Walker away.

Javon Walker held Darrent Williams, Denver Broncos cornerback, as he died last year in a drive by shooting. This may or may not be related to he, Williams, and Brandon Marshall spraying people with champagne at a nightclub in Denver.

Now Javon Walker was recently found beaten up in Las Vegas and was seen earlier that night not* spraying champagne...

*I wish I could type it without the asterisk, because he was in fact spraying champagne. I'm not a psychologist, but Walker may have a learning disability.

Source of info.

I could not agree more...

...except that 58.7 should be changed to 99.7. And go ahead and leave the 41.3. Her annoyance defies mathematics.

Quote of the Year

Bob Davidson, please tell us how you really feel:

"I (expletive) it up. I'm the one who thought it was a (expletive) foul ball. I saw it on the replay. I'm the one who (expletive) it up so you can put that in your paper," Davidson said. "Bolts and nuts, I (expletive) up. You've just got to move on. No one feels worse about it than I do."

About an overturned call, turning a legitimate homerun into a foul ball.

According to Wikipedia, he's not a virgin to controversy.

I, however, am.