July 2nd
weight: 278.5 lbs
waist: 48.0 in
l. arm: 15.0 in
l. calf: 17.0 in
July 9th
weight: 274.5 lbs
waist: 47.5 in
l. arm: 16.0 in
l. calf: 17.0 in
I haven't been super strict, and I'm sure the l.arm measurement is artificial, b/c no one gains an inch on a cold measurement of a bicep in one week unless they were bitten in the tricep by a western diamondback.
My uncle, at a dinner last week, upon seeing me for the first time in a long time, said, "It seems you've gotten larger on us."
ft: "Yes."
uncle: Is it all that seafood out there.
ft: "Yes."
In truth, I only ate seafood once, and it was only 16 oz of shrimp, so I doubt that translated to a 40 lb weight gain. But, I'll let these Westerners believe that every morning I check the crab pots and buy Old Bay Seasoning in kegs.
When in truth I'm in Chipotle so often the managers fight over my attendance at their particular franchise.
Monday, July 09, 2007
Saturday, July 07, 2007
Don't tell them the real reason - puh-leaze, ft?
Source, once in NFL:
"While at CU he started two non-profit organizations that focused on youths in grades 6-8 who “didn’t get to choose their financial background.” "
Do they get to choose the alcohol flavor from your "Kids who drink are cool" cooler?
Source, pre-NFL:
"As part of his community service for the misdemeanor conviction, Harris created a nonprofit organization to work with middle-school kids with troubled backgrounds."
"While at CU he started two non-profit organizations that focused on youths in grades 6-8 who “didn’t get to choose their financial background.” "
Do they get to choose the alcohol flavor from your "Kids who drink are cool" cooler?
Source, pre-NFL:
"As part of his community service for the misdemeanor conviction, Harris created a nonprofit organization to work with middle-school kids with troubled backgrounds."
Friday, July 06, 2007
A year's Roth IRA contribution and change
Thursday, July 05, 2007
Quick hands
This young man also holds the (unverified) masturbation record.
James Dobson has a book in the works to reach out to this special demographic.
James Dobson has a book in the works to reach out to this special demographic.
Monday, July 02, 2007
Fatness by the numbers
So July will be my miracle month of getting back into shape. Why, just this morning I went spinning and had a light protein breakfast.
July 2nd
weight: 278.5 lbs
waist: 48.0 in
l. arm: 15.0 in
l. calf: 17.0 in
Here's the alarming thing about waist circumference: each inch gained is not the same.
For instance, assumed your spare tire is 1 inch high, and grows uniformly in a perfect circle outward. From 31 inches to 32 inches, the volume of fat added is 1*pi*(16^2 - 15.5^2) = 49.5 cubic inches. From 47 inch circumference to a 48 inch circumference, 1*pi*(24^2 - 23.5^2) = 74.6 cubic inches is added. In each case, the circumference only increased by one inch, but in the latter the fatness is more severe.
This is why the Battle of the Bulge requires entrenchment - yet, it is common that big results come quickly and then a plateau, so maybe a new perspective on physique-scaping should be that the first few inches lost should be seen as volume lost, to give a boost to self esteem (like a gym sock on a prom date).
My buddy wants to be at 235 by August 1st so he can get a 2 million dollar life insurance policy.
I'll beat him to 235 - my order of speed is being tracked by UPS.com as I type this.
-ft
July 2nd
weight: 278.5 lbs
waist: 48.0 in
l. arm: 15.0 in
l. calf: 17.0 in
Here's the alarming thing about waist circumference: each inch gained is not the same.
For instance, assumed your spare tire is 1 inch high, and grows uniformly in a perfect circle outward. From 31 inches to 32 inches, the volume of fat added is 1*pi*(16^2 - 15.5^2) = 49.5 cubic inches. From 47 inch circumference to a 48 inch circumference, 1*pi*(24^2 - 23.5^2) = 74.6 cubic inches is added. In each case, the circumference only increased by one inch, but in the latter the fatness is more severe.
This is why the Battle of the Bulge requires entrenchment - yet, it is common that big results come quickly and then a plateau, so maybe a new perspective on physique-scaping should be that the first few inches lost should be seen as volume lost, to give a boost to self esteem (like a gym sock on a prom date).
My buddy wants to be at 235 by August 1st so he can get a 2 million dollar life insurance policy.
I'll beat him to 235 - my order of speed is being tracked by UPS.com as I type this.
-ft
Freedom of Speech
First Don Imus, and now this.
Granted, the video portraying this situation is very biased and probably edited cleverly, but if even a little bit of truth is maintained, this is scary.
Why the heck didn't the police contain the paraders better?
What is happening to the USA? Why didn't the paraders realize that he was exercising a freedom granted by the country THEY WANT TO JOIN?
I am not taking a stance on the immigration issue here, in a blog, because the anti-blogger blogs here. However, I think this film hints at the ugliness of humanity - to taunt someone when they are bleeding and handcuffed and pelt his car with projectiles is a heck of a way to say "let us show you our appreciation for your country's freedoms."
"And I'll have a chinchilla."
Granted, the video portraying this situation is very biased and probably edited cleverly, but if even a little bit of truth is maintained, this is scary.
Why the heck didn't the police contain the paraders better?
What is happening to the USA? Why didn't the paraders realize that he was exercising a freedom granted by the country THEY WANT TO JOIN?
I am not taking a stance on the immigration issue here, in a blog, because the anti-blogger blogs here. However, I think this film hints at the ugliness of humanity - to taunt someone when they are bleeding and handcuffed and pelt his car with projectiles is a heck of a way to say "let us show you our appreciation for your country's freedoms."
"And I'll have a chinchilla."
Friday, June 29, 2007
YouVegas.
Read this and get inspired.
Now, there was no follow up to this story. That's because what stays in Vegas must have happened in Vegas.
Wait.
Essentially, though, I feel compelled to leak a little bit of the fun that happened AND be one of the rarest groups in the world: those who POST videos to YouTube. Newsweek (April 30th, 2007: page 18) published a statistic that said only .16% of YouTube visitors are producers.
Laziness.
Unimaginitativeness. (not a word - which shows creativity and imagination) (explaining the process shows condescension)
So, below is my first posted YouTube video. It has no sound because there were legal issues with Toby Keith, who threatened to put a boot in my @$$ for five dollars. But essentially, I was in Toby Keith's I Love This Bar in Vegas during the last 24 hour stay and saw Will Ferrell dressed as Screech dancing with some drunk broad on a girls night out in Vegas:
And it was so much fun that I've decided to do Vegas again tomorrow night, for one night only, this time, less than 24 hours.
This time around, I will have baggage.
I will also have a King Size bed in Harrah's ... and be a permanent fixture in TB's Bar until Check-out at 11AM Sunday.
Then Chipotle on the Strip.
Then, Junktown, Square State, for the most boring month of my life.
Why vegas? B/C flying through Vegas using Southwest and Allegiant Air with a hotel room and 80 dollars play money is tantamount in expenditure to flying straight to Junktown via DIA.
Bangs, bucks, and youth.
Hit me!
Now, there was no follow up to this story. That's because what stays in Vegas must have happened in Vegas.
Wait.
Essentially, though, I feel compelled to leak a little bit of the fun that happened AND be one of the rarest groups in the world: those who POST videos to YouTube. Newsweek (April 30th, 2007: page 18) published a statistic that said only .16% of YouTube visitors are producers.
Laziness.
Unimaginitativeness. (not a word - which shows creativity and imagination) (explaining the process shows condescension)
So, below is my first posted YouTube video. It has no sound because there were legal issues with Toby Keith, who threatened to put a boot in my @$$ for five dollars. But essentially, I was in Toby Keith's I Love This Bar in Vegas during the last 24 hour stay and saw Will Ferrell dressed as Screech dancing with some drunk broad on a girls night out in Vegas:
And it was so much fun that I've decided to do Vegas again tomorrow night, for one night only, this time, less than 24 hours.
This time around, I will have baggage.
I will also have a King Size bed in Harrah's ... and be a permanent fixture in TB's Bar until Check-out at 11AM Sunday.
Then Chipotle on the Strip.
Then, Junktown, Square State, for the most boring month of my life.
Why vegas? B/C flying through Vegas using Southwest and Allegiant Air with a hotel room and 80 dollars play money is tantamount in expenditure to flying straight to Junktown via DIA.
Bangs, bucks, and youth.
Hit me!
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
DC Short Films made me feel Short.
A friend of mine sent in 4 short films from the Movie Saturday troupe I financially backed earlier in this decade. I told this friend that I would not endorse the submission of the films, and then he countered that there would be critiques. He argued critiques could help focus the group's future work.
So, I forked out the money, and the results are in. Below are the films from Google Video embedded amongst the critiques.
"The 422 films in competition were sent to 16 teams of 3 people (film enthusiasts, filmmakers, critics, previous audience members and artists in other fields). Teams watched each film in its entirety, and was required to score films on four criteria (25 points each): Content, Style, Originality and Technical. The total score a film can receive is 100 points. In addition, films can be "recommended" -- meaning a team would stand behind the film in a debate. They were also asked to write a short paragraph about the film."
Below are the films. The resolution is poor, and the ideas poorer. Some of the critiques are hilarious, some flattering, and some reinforce how I thought a film should be shot.
Try Again
Content 5 Style 5 Originality 5 Technical 5 Total 20
Feedback:
A somewhat visually engaging but strange opening scene —a supine woman on a table to a backdrop of blue light and partly opened blinds— seems to have nothing to do with the rest of the film and is never resolved. Technical aspects are amateurish and weak, from harsh and unnatural lighting to echo-y audio to amateurish transitions. Camera fades between scenes were cute but, especially when combined with the two primary characters moving from chair to chair during the tutoring session, a clumsy way to mark time. Acting is wooden and unconvincing. Repeated lines and interruptions from the third character jar the ear and the sensibilities. The script is feeble and full of clichés at best. The judges did not “get” the film.
Ticking
Content 11 Style 11 Originality 14 Technical 12 Total 47
Feedback:
The effect of tension was sustained throughout the short, but the lighting seemed too bright. The music was effective with the sound of the ticking. The occasional dialogue detracted from the mood of the music and the quality of the repetitive ticking. The ending
could be more dramatic than just the woman with tape on her mouth. It needed more of an overall edge.
The Economy
Content 7 Style 10 Originality 20 Technical 10 Total 47
Feedback:
Interesting idea although the technical problems distracted from the experience of the film. The main actor delivered a credible role given the subject matter.
Safety in Numbers
Content 18 Style 15 Originality 21 Technical 12 Total 66
Feedback:
We enjoyed the idea and general content of the film but were distracted by the technical aspects that would have made the film more enjoyable if corrected. The lighting and the sound was distracting. The film quality was good but the acting could have been better rehearsed. We also were distracted with the cluttering of the set with camera equipement. There was a lot more physical movement than dialogue. Best of luck in your feature endeavors.
---> End Critiques de Short Film "De" "Ce" <---
For all works by the now defunct Movie Saturday group click here.
Feature length films are in the works.
So, I forked out the money, and the results are in. Below are the films from Google Video embedded amongst the critiques.
"The 422 films in competition were sent to 16 teams of 3 people (film enthusiasts, filmmakers, critics, previous audience members and artists in other fields). Teams watched each film in its entirety, and was required to score films on four criteria (25 points each): Content, Style, Originality and Technical. The total score a film can receive is 100 points. In addition, films can be "recommended" -- meaning a team would stand behind the film in a debate. They were also asked to write a short paragraph about the film."
Below are the films. The resolution is poor, and the ideas poorer. Some of the critiques are hilarious, some flattering, and some reinforce how I thought a film should be shot.
Try Again
Content 5 Style 5 Originality 5 Technical 5 Total 20
Feedback:
A somewhat visually engaging but strange opening scene —a supine woman on a table to a backdrop of blue light and partly opened blinds— seems to have nothing to do with the rest of the film and is never resolved. Technical aspects are amateurish and weak, from harsh and unnatural lighting to echo-y audio to amateurish transitions. Camera fades between scenes were cute but, especially when combined with the two primary characters moving from chair to chair during the tutoring session, a clumsy way to mark time. Acting is wooden and unconvincing. Repeated lines and interruptions from the third character jar the ear and the sensibilities. The script is feeble and full of clichés at best. The judges did not “get” the film.
Ticking
Content 11 Style 11 Originality 14 Technical 12 Total 47
Feedback:
The effect of tension was sustained throughout the short, but the lighting seemed too bright. The music was effective with the sound of the ticking. The occasional dialogue detracted from the mood of the music and the quality of the repetitive ticking. The ending
could be more dramatic than just the woman with tape on her mouth. It needed more of an overall edge.
The Economy
Content 7 Style 10 Originality 20 Technical 10 Total 47
Feedback:
Interesting idea although the technical problems distracted from the experience of the film. The main actor delivered a credible role given the subject matter.
Safety in Numbers
Content 18 Style 15 Originality 21 Technical 12 Total 66
Feedback:
We enjoyed the idea and general content of the film but were distracted by the technical aspects that would have made the film more enjoyable if corrected. The lighting and the sound was distracting. The film quality was good but the acting could have been better rehearsed. We also were distracted with the cluttering of the set with camera equipement. There was a lot more physical movement than dialogue. Best of luck in your feature endeavors.
---> End Critiques de Short Film "De" "Ce" <---
For all works by the now defunct Movie Saturday group click here.
Feature length films are in the works.
Friday, June 22, 2007
The hardest year.
I gained 40 pounds.
Had my average hours of sleep significantly reduced.
Botched two job interviews.
Failed another grant-attempt.
Thought about quitting.
Flirted with suicide.
Failed to get 1st place in a poster competition.
Lost touch with all my friends.
Picked up the habit of swearing.
Picked up the habit of taking the Lord's Name in vain.
Had 4 short films rejected (with harsh critique) from the DCshort film fest.
Spent Christmas eve in a Korean Airport.
And now I have it. I have the answer in my gmailbox. Whether or not I passed the first year exam.
In the spirit of all things sentimental and moments weighted: Come, check it with me.
No box, no pink slip. I'm in. I'm part of the club.
I did it.
And its the only thing I've done right in a year.
Had my average hours of sleep significantly reduced.
Botched two job interviews.
Failed another grant-attempt.
Thought about quitting.
Flirted with suicide.
Failed to get 1st place in a poster competition.
Lost touch with all my friends.
Picked up the habit of swearing.
Picked up the habit of taking the Lord's Name in vain.
Had 4 short films rejected (with harsh critique) from the DCshort film fest.
Spent Christmas eve in a Korean Airport.
And now I have it. I have the answer in my gmailbox. Whether or not I passed the first year exam.
In the spirit of all things sentimental and moments weighted: Come, check it with me.
No box, no pink slip. I'm in. I'm part of the club.
I did it.
And its the only thing I've done right in a year.
Saturday, June 16, 2007
Frazzles
Frazzles the Squirrel is on Cocaine AGAIN.
And finally, a useful and significant contribution from the texters.
Although, for crying aloud, this was my chief complaint about The Departed: overuse of the "marvel" of cellphone technology and the failure of the most advanced law enforcement units to use "triangulation" to nab the rats.
Oh well. As long as those punk Beantowners don't text while in a darkened cinema, I'm all for it.
And finally, a useful and significant contribution from the texters.
Although, for crying aloud, this was my chief complaint about The Departed: overuse of the "marvel" of cellphone technology and the failure of the most advanced law enforcement units to use "triangulation" to nab the rats.
Oh well. As long as those punk Beantowners don't text while in a darkened cinema, I'm all for it.
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Good ideas, different vehicles: From computers to comics.
Very clever, very simple, very wonderful parodies.
A sample:
Part 1:
Part 2:
My favorite (the Mac/PC parody):
And the whole meal:
More parodies from where those came.
A sample:
Part 1:
Part 2:
My favorite (the Mac/PC parody):
And the whole meal:
More parodies from where those came.
One Square
I'm glad Sheryl Crow adopted and did not taint the Armstrong line with bad genes.
One Square.
I cannot do it. I remember hearing some of my (disgusting) ROTC friends describe how to use one square in the battle field, and it involved saving a corner of the square to clean underneath your finger nail when you were done cleaning things up with your index finger wearing the rest of the square as a skirt (or maybe a skort!).
Here are the only two ways I could succeed on Ms. Crow's WC recommendation:
1) I get a can the size of hers and only eat Tour de France approved Liqui-gels and jalapenos laden corn, OR
2) Only use one square of tp the size of the Square State.
Here's looking at you, Colo"rad"o.
One Square.
I cannot do it. I remember hearing some of my (disgusting) ROTC friends describe how to use one square in the battle field, and it involved saving a corner of the square to clean underneath your finger nail when you were done cleaning things up with your index finger wearing the rest of the square as a skirt (or maybe a skort!).
Here are the only two ways I could succeed on Ms. Crow's WC recommendation:
1) I get a can the size of hers and only eat Tour de France approved Liqui-gels and jalapenos laden corn, OR
2) Only use one square of tp the size of the Square State.
Here's looking at you, Colo"rad"o.
Thursday, May 24, 2007
In the Square State, I live in a neighborhood with six of these guys.
Of course it was aggravated murder.
I'd be aggravated too if some weasely weasel was defiant of my wisdom and even greens.
The best would have been if the youth was playing music on his cellphone while talking into it walkie-talkie style, saying "Where you at? Me? I'm on old man fantasticterrific's lawn, yo. I know, he gets so mad. He pro'bly fill up his Depends, yo!"
Cue shotgun blast, first end credit scene.
Cue the sound of the kid on the other end of the line, asking "What goin' on, what going' on?"
Cue second blast audio.
Cue rolling credits.
I see the world in swirling colors and light.
I use American Express.
-ft anderson
Of course it was aggravated murder.
I'd be aggravated too if some weasely weasel was defiant of my wisdom and even greens.
The best would have been if the youth was playing music on his cellphone while talking into it walkie-talkie style, saying "Where you at? Me? I'm on old man fantasticterrific's lawn, yo. I know, he gets so mad. He pro'bly fill up his Depends, yo!"
Cue shotgun blast, first end credit scene.
Cue the sound of the kid on the other end of the line, asking "What goin' on, what going' on?"
Cue second blast audio.
Cue rolling credits.
I see the world in swirling colors and light.
I use American Express.
-ft anderson
Friday, May 18, 2007
LONG story short
Quiz time, children.
True or False: An orchidometer measures orchids.
True or False: Orchids bloom in your pants.
True or False: A dog can be an author on a refereed paper.
True or False: An alternative and more appropriate name for the paper just linked is "Eat My Balls."
Answer Key:
False
Perhaps (They bloom in mine.)
True
Perhaps
I accidentally was looking at the PDF at 400%, and thought I had some catching up to do.
Before going out to bars to cruise chicks, I view it at 10%.
Before going out to bars to cruise dudes, I view it at 5%.
True or False: An orchidometer measures orchids.
True or False: Orchids bloom in your pants.
True or False: A dog can be an author on a refereed paper.
True or False: An alternative and more appropriate name for the paper just linked is "Eat My Balls."
Answer Key:
False
Perhaps (They bloom in mine.)
True
Perhaps
I accidentally was looking at the PDF at 400%, and thought I had some catching up to do.
Before going out to bars to cruise chicks, I view it at 10%.
Before going out to bars to cruise dudes, I view it at 5%.
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
QOTD
"Today we dodged a bullet. In fact, when you look at the type of weapons that this group was trying to purchase, we may have dodged a lot of bullets." -FBI Agent J.P. Weiss
From this.
J.P. Weiss strikes me as the kind of guy who turns a phrase during auto-erotic acts. I'm sure it is similar to what I hear my neighbor saying at 3AM at night:
"I'm awesome. Girls love me." - Apt. 4910, 3AM
Saturday, May 05, 2007
You've just been McCained.
Man, this Google employee should have searched his heart before tackling the war with a POW bonafide hero (the bonafide distinguishes McCain from Kerry).
And, I've heard of World Orgasm Day (the results) and participated with my eyes closed, so I don't know if it counts. And now the Whacky-Wack-off-athon was brought to my attention by Caffo, who reminded me I should always knock before entering his office.
And, I've heard of World Orgasm Day (the results) and participated with my eyes closed, so I don't know if it counts. And now the Whacky-Wack-off-athon was brought to my attention by Caffo, who reminded me I should always knock before entering his office.
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
English, and the way to speech it
I was stumped on the lead/led debate, for the first time in my life. I remember explaining it (correctly) when I was in fourth grade to someone who was having trouble on their spelling tests, but I could not think of it today.
And via the web, found this list of common English errors.
Now if I could only erase the Romanian Error that is plaguing my health.
Now if only the web could tell me how to type "just kidding" in Romanian, I'd be set.
Not that I'd type it, but just for the sake of knowledge.
And via the web, found this list of common English errors.
Now if I could only erase the Romanian Error that is plaguing my health.
Now if only the web could tell me how to type "just kidding" in Romanian, I'd be set.
Not that I'd type it, but just for the sake of knowledge.
Monday, April 30, 2007
Speaking of sports -
Two of my favorite collegiate football players are now on the same professional team.
Bradlee Van Pelt is known for his intensity and garnering my support during games in which he played my alma mater. I've been in more brawls about him than he has been in his life. He's 6'2 220, the height I am; the weight I once was.
Amobi Okoye is a genius who entered college at 16 and graduated early with a non-communications, non-business degree in 3.5 years. Oh - and he played collegiate football the whole time and did it well enough to be drafted 10th overall in this most recent 2007 draft. At 19 years of age. He is 6'2'', 302 lbs, the age I used to be, the height I am, the weight I'm destined to be.
I think it's about time I bought me up a Texans cap.
Yee-haw.
Bradlee Van Pelt is known for his intensity and garnering my support during games in which he played my alma mater. I've been in more brawls about him than he has been in his life. He's 6'2 220, the height I am; the weight I once was.
Amobi Okoye is a genius who entered college at 16 and graduated early with a non-communications, non-business degree in 3.5 years. Oh - and he played collegiate football the whole time and did it well enough to be drafted 10th overall in this most recent 2007 draft. At 19 years of age. He is 6'2'', 302 lbs, the age I used to be, the height I am, the weight I'm destined to be.
I think it's about time I bought me up a Texans cap.
Yee-haw.
They took hatred and made it a sport.
I hate texting. It destroys most of my cinema experiences as of late. I have no idea why some kid would pay 8 bucks to "see" a movie and spend 30 minutes of it texting "Hey wassup? ;-P" only to wait for the reply, "no much dirdee dawg :-0" only to reply "in movie. meet l8r?" to get the reply "no, crrntli mking out with ur mom." to reply "which 1???" to be replied with "da one with them big ol b00b13z!? :*# " to only reply this with "kewl. save me slice of dat axion! ;-)"
All the while we realize the full circle of Matt Damon's complex, but not explicitly revealing character in The Good Shepherd while he hugs his son on what was to be his wedding day.
Well, texting is now a sport, with classic man v. machine races.
Just keep the practicing out of the theaters.
No, no. I'll just keep myself out of the theaters.
All the while we realize the full circle of Matt Damon's complex, but not explicitly revealing character in The Good Shepherd while he hugs his son on what was to be his wedding day.
Well, texting is now a sport, with classic man v. machine races.
Just keep the practicing out of the theaters.
No, no. I'll just keep myself out of the theaters.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
