Shawn and the Pawn

I was walking home last night when this guy in a suit hustled passed me. We stopped at the crosswalk, and he turned to me and started a dialogue:

"Hey, you know of any mass transit down to DC?"

"Marc trains."

"[checks watch] Yeah, I missed the last one, and besides the storm that came through messed up the schedules. My rental car was towed, and I am four dollars short of a cab ride...I'm in town for a convention on behalf of Microsoft. Do you know the city well?"

"Downtown proper I know fairly well."

"You're the first white guy I've seen tonight."

"Uh, where are you trying to get, sir?"

"College Park. Tomorrow I'm staying at the Sheridan...I have to stay out of town tonight because of some art expo. I'm from Pittsburgh."

"I'm from Colorado."

"No sh*t, I'm from originally from Colorado. I graduated from CSU, and my dad works for the Broncos."

"Well I graduated from CU - "

"F*_ker. [holds out hand and grins] Shawn Masterson."

"[shaking hand] Bruce."

"Hey, can I buy you sodas or something to get some cash...all I got is an AMEX business account card, my car is towed, and I'm not about to go through the city dressed like this [motions to his fine suit, rings, and watch]."

"We could do lunch tomorrow?"

"Yeah, Yeah. Let me get your number. [number exchanged]. Sh*t, I can't dial you. I'm not in my service area. I have a beeper. Here [number exchanged]. You got one of them crazy hair-dos, not too many of those around anymore."

"I'll beep you tomorrow, I have some business in the inner harbor tomorrow. How much will get you to your hotel."

"Thirteen dollars."

"Well, you're in luck. I have exactly thirteen dollars in my wallet."

"Well, looks like the Lord led me to you."

"I guess so."

"Now, you got enough for yourself?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine until tomorrow. See you, Shawn."

"Hey, if you want any discs from Microsoft, let me know. I'll hook you up."

"I'll beep you tomorrow."

Okay, so I go back home thinking I have just been swindled, but I can't be sure. There were a lot of little details that made sense. I even called Drew to tell him about the occurence the following morning. I told him that I would get him Microsoft Office if I could.

I headed towards the inner harbor to conduct my business, and I dialed the beeper number.

It rang.

"Hello?"

Crap. Do beepers have human operators?

"Is Shawn there?"

"No, you have the wrong number."

"Oh, uh, could you do me a favor?"

"Sure, hon. What?"

"The next time you see Shawn, a Shawn, any Shawn, you slug him in the arm. Hard. Make it hurt."

"Have a good day, Sug."

"You too. I'm serious, now. Shawn - slug in the arm."

"Got it. Byebye."

Jesus said to give the hungry food, the thirsty drink, and the naked clothes. He said nothing about giving swindlers booty.