I didn't work three years in Hell's Kitchen

to have someone come and do this to me.

For those too lazy or unimaginative or lacking the fortitude and manual dexterity to fold their slice of pizza, we have the pizzacono.

Its convenient size allows those with their stomachs stapled to still enjoy big pizza taste.

That's a wrap, boys! The obesity epidemic is solved.

Into the Wild

For the man who travels light: It's like Through Painted Deserts, penned by Penn; lullabied by Vedder.

Rocktober

Oh man. Let the Purple Reign come down.

Okay, so I've sometimes been a fair weather fan of the Rocks. I may have called them "The Suckies" a time or two, and gone on a rant about how other teams have cool mascots that are animate objects (yes, Indians still exist) or at least tangible, small objects (Red Socks, Black Socks, One Fish, Two Fish) and the Rockies just weren't something you could own or draw are cartoon of interacting with its environment or other mascots ( - wow - a Rattler in the Rockies? I hope a boulder falls on it! Yeah, that's a good toon of the situation).

The Rocks are hot. They are sweeping everybody. Yes, they got there on a fluke call and Milton Bradley has to go back and make board games for everyone during the WS.

I don't care.

The Rocks are going to the WS, and if I have anything to do with it, so am I.

I purchased my airline tickets on Friday of last week in anticipation of the Rocks getting there. I want to be able to say that I was at the FIRST WORLD SERIES GAME in Denver EVER!

-- If only to kill Dinger or Zinger or whatever the Triceratops name is and replace it with "Range", a slower moving mascot, but albeit more representative mascot of the team.

I am only one very lucky lottery away from scoring tix on Oct. 22nd, Noon EST.

My new pick up line

ft: Hey, baby. Are you a piece of art?
Woman: I, uh-
ft: [ <3 *kiss* ]

fin

Inspired by her.

If only OJ had Onstar

This is pretty smart - but will Big Brother turn it against us? Telling us where we can go and who we can see when they aren't fit to wipe the spit off my boot?

And in other news, I have an inguinal hernia. It was caused by training for the 1/2 marathon because my unsupported balls are so freakin' big.

Just ask the nurse practitioner that diagnosed me.

The haunting.

Taking the plunge

I've often said I wanted a device that could do everything.

Here is : The Ocean.

I'm nervous. I'm nervous and it is okay.

Hidden Present

What the f___ is going on in Iraq?


I know, I know. I'm a little late in asking that question.

If I work for Blackwater, can I still get into Heaven? If so, it sounds like it would be the most fun on earth - a real life video game.

Hidden History

I wish my dad had rocket scientists working for him in the '50s.

First 3 games, First 3 sacks.

"Okoye had a pair of sacks and forced a fumble in the Texans’ 34-21 win over the Panthers."

From here.


The kid is going to be a star!

A few news clips (not too much sports, Rachel).

My balls liked this story.


And I only became aware of this because the BGSA sent an email to everyone in the school for pre-ordering "Jena 6" shirts. I am going to wear a "Jena 6 3 strikes and you are out - why was Bell allowed to ring for a fourth time?" shirt to their meeting. I'm sure I'll be labeled a racist, just as Michael Richards. But the truth is, I agree that the whole situation was handled poorly and as result things have gotten out of hand and there may be some racism in Louisiana playing a part, but no one should be let "off the hook" for ganging up 5 to 1 and kicking someone unconscious.

And the Vikings continue to suck.

I'm off to the Square State tomorrow.

Big, spoiled men ...

...get their due:

"Local youths left a toilet seat with a harassing message on his doorstep. Local news reported that the police did not disclose what the message on the garbage can said [19] Other sources claim that "Nice Job Tank" was written on the seat. The seat had been duct-taped to a garbage can filled with excrement."

From wikipedia.

Also, solicited spam, but ignored after an on-slaught by an email user, is called Bacn.

What is this? Eliminate "o" day? Next I'm going to read a post that says:

"Rgasm: lexigraphical scping rcks."

Grand Junktown in the news again -

this time for harboring criminals on the lamb.

Because the world is not fair.

Why can't it be like this for Caffo?

Rules are stupid.

Like these. Man, if they are green, release them everywhere. I wonder if a flying buzzing about war thought this one up.

Also, where's the 5 ways to avoid the PhD 1st year 40?

And if you're friends are sporting more ice than usual and swear that they hate the Texans (which have BVP and Amobi), turn them in.

A Bronco Bonus:

In December of 2005, I posted this. Yes, most of it is drivel, but pay attention to where I ask the Chicago Bear's A. Brown and the Bucs' Simeon Rice to have a baby and donate it to the Broncos.

A little background: the season the bucs went to the superbowl, Simeon Rice was unstoppable. I told everyone how excited I was to watch a Monday Night Football game of him while home on vacation that I would run around my house each time he got a sack, hopping over 4 fences per loop and sprinting.

I ran around my house 2.5 times that night.

Anyway, Simeon did not donate his child to the Broncos - he gave his only begotten himself.


Hooray!

A Breast Hit Man

Sign me up.

Oh wait...what are the duties? Making the corporatocracy rich and rigging ad campaigns and putting babies' lives in danger...? Hmm. I hear what you are saying, but how close to "hitting a breast" would I get? No where near? Even on Cap Hill? Okay, okay. Thanks. I don't think I want the position, but keep my CV on file.

I was solicited today to join Facebook. And I kicked her Face(book) in.

I have mentioned this in an earlier post. I guess I have to be balding and crotchety in an adorable "freelance writer" sort of way to get noticed.

Back to the Gibbs Sampler.

Get Marky-Mark on the phone.

We will call it, "The Mexican Job."

We'll leave out the mini-coopers though ... we'll borrow lame-@$$ Ford's kick-@$$ Chrysler 300 from the lame-@$$ "Firewall."

That's the spirit. The spirit of the old.

I didn't play in high school or college - so maybe I can play four years after I retire.

Can anyone contain McCrary?

Play the video.

Also, Age Of Love - recently saw the finale. Mission accomplished - they're extinct.