My life now has meaning.
I hope Tameika is cruising Blogs while working her job
at Bank of America.
In Charm City, there are no WellsFargo Banks. This
necessitated a new banking institution for yours
truly.
There are all sorts of options for banking in this fine
city. The three I contemplated were CitiBank, M&T,
and Bank of America.
Now, Citibank has that great ad campaign were they put
orange quotes around all sorts of cool rewards as if
saying "Thank you" to the customer for their business.
Similarily, M&T has all these great signs up around
Charm City that show in the upper left a face of a
common (yet beautiful) person with a slight look of
uncertainty/anger/dismay/constipation/consternation,
and in the lower right corner a bigger version of the
same person's face SMILING. Between the two images is
the catchphrase (and thus living, breathing mantra of
every M&T employee): "Being appreciated makes all the
difference." Bank of America has ATMs everywhere (I
trip on them while walking to the Inner Harbor) and
their namesake plastered on the top of a huge
skyscraper.
I want to be told thank you.
I want to be appreciated.
I want to destroy Bank of America.
It all starts with the fact that at my place of
employment, they only allow direct deposit to Bank of
America. Fair enough, I thought. Bank of America
sounds like a good bank.
So I start the on-line application process, and as I
am about to click the link to apply for a checking
account, a pop-up window flies into my vision and
says (if it had a voice, it would be the cutest voice
ever) "Would you like to talk with an on-line
representative as you apply?"
This is a great idea. All those little dumb questions
that pop up when filling out the easiest of
applications annoy me. Yes, yes, little Pop-up
Window, I accept your offer. Thank you little Pop-up
Window.
Little Pop-up Window goes away and a bigger, badder,
scarier window pops up. It looks like a renegade IM
window. The prompt has
>Tameika: How may I help you! Let's start your application now!
I explain the situation of I am about to click the
link, but I have some questions first. I had decided
that I was going to grill Tameika on everything, just
to cover all the bases and not be one of those
disenfranchised consumers that feels like they have
been suckered but in fact just did not take time to
read the fine print.
I ask her if I can transfer funds to and from my Bank
of America (BOA) account and another institution's
account. A fairly simple question, and Tameika
handles it with
>Tameika: I'm not sure, please call our customer
service department.
Strike one, Tameika.
So I call customer service and get connected to a
gentleman whose voice can only be described as "Bren."
I ask him my question with careful,
I'm-just-out-of-college-and-I-am-determined-to-be-a-savvy-adult-customer diction. Are there any fees for transferring funds to
OR FROM my BOA account and another institution's
account?
Bren responds with verbal gentility: "Absolutely no
fees."
None?
"Absolutely none, sir."
So, back to Tameika, who is now glad to know that
factoid. I ask her if there is a fee to close the
account.
>Tameika: As long as it is open for 6 months or
longer, there is no fee. Otherwise it is 25 dollars.
Let's start your application now!
I will be in Charm City for at least 6 months, so I
figured this is okay. I asked her how soon I will get
a checkcard and checks.
>Tameika: In a week. Let's start your application
now!
I ask her if those are free.
>Tameika: Yes, the check card is free. Let's start
your application now!
What about the checks?
>Tameika: No, they're 8 dollars. Let's start your
application now!
Ugh. I don't want checks. Can I not have checks
sent...I'm on a tight budget you see...
>Tameika: Sure. Just write that in the comment
section. Let's start your application now!
Do people actually read the comments section or just
robots?
>Tameika: Humans. Let's start your application now!
Another question I had was on the fees. I asked her
to confirm that as long as I had direct deposit that I
would incur no monthly fees.
>Tameika: Right! Let's start your application now!
I then told her that my problem was that direct
deposit took 6 weeks to set up at my place of
employment.
>Tameika: That's fine! We give a 60 day grace period
to let customers get direct deposit set up! Let's
start your application now!
I then asked her if why I could not save the text in
the IM window so I could keep what she had told me for
my records.
>Tameika: I guess that feature is not yet
implemented. Let's start your application now!
So, I recapped to my consumer-savvy self:
-No monthly fees due to my direct deposit and the 60
day grace period to get said direct deposit
configured.
-No fees to transfer money in or out (thus I would not
need checks, and save 8 dollars because of not needing
checks).
Then it hits me - I need one check. Just one. Not
for rent, not for utilities, not for Elvis
Stamps...but to set up DIRECT DEPOSIT. Darn it. I'll
just eat the 8 dollars. Or send my checks back to mom
and dad and thereby Wellsfargo...No. I must grow up. Grown-
ups eat costs. I'll eat the frickin' 8 dollars.
So I apply. All was peachy. Peachy keen. Palisade
peachy keen...for one week. Then I start reading the
fine print. My outrage is displayed in a Ignatius
Reilly meets Ted L. Nancy type of email
correspondence with BOA (they let me save the emails,
unlike the text from the IM).
Email 1:
Message text: I feel I was lied to ... I was told that
transfers TO AND
FROM another institutions checking account was free. I
called customer
service to double check this before I opened the
account, because it was
crucial. Is this how you treat new customers? I'd
close my account,
but then you'd charge me 25 dollars because it hasn't
been open for 6
months. You guys really get us coming and going, don't
you?
Disgruntled in Maryland, fantasticterrific
Dear fantasticterrific,
Thank you for your inquiry dated 7/20/05 regarding
Other Online Banking
Features. We are committed to providing you with the
best banking
experience possible.
Allow us to apologize for any inconvenience that you
may have
experienced in this matter. Our commitment is to
provide the highest
level of service possible. These standards demand that
we treat our
customers and their requests with understanding and
respect. It is
disappointing to hear of an incident where we have not
met this
commitment. We are currently reviewing your message
and, if necessary,
someone will get back with you for further
clarification.
If we may be of further assistance, please contact us
again by e-mail.
Thank you for choosing Bank of America.
Sincerely,
Rosy Hay
Bank of America
Email 2:
I was told that there is no maintenance fee for 60
days to allow the set
up of a direct deposit so that the checking is 'free'.
If this turns
out to be untrue, I will close out my account
immediately, 25 dollars or
not! Is it true there is a 60 day grace on the
maintenance fee until
direct deposit is set up? -fantasticterrific
Dear fantasticterrific,
Thank you for your inquiry dated 7/21/05 regarding the
maintenance fee.
Please note the MyAccess Checking account features no
monthly
maintenance fee if you have a direct deposit to your
account each
statement period, for example: a payroll or Social
Security check.
Please note that for each statement period that a
direct deposit is not
received in the account, the monthly maintenance fee
is $5.95.
We apologize for any inconvenience this may have
caused. If we may be
of further assistance, please contact us again by
e-mail.
Sincerely,
Noella Johns
Bank of America
Email 3:
I was lied to again! I was told the initial check fee
was 8 dollars,
and now I see my account has been charged 10 dollars!
I'm living on a
very tight budget! Why aren't you guys honest with
potential
customers!? I'm keeping the account open only long
enough to avoid the
25 dollar close fee, and then I'M CLOSING it. -fantasticterrific
Dear fantasticterrific,
Thank you for your inquiry dated 7/21/05 regarding the
Fee.
Our records indicate that the check order fee of
$10.00 was posted to
your account on 7/21/05.
Please note that the answer to your question may be
found in the
Disclosure Agreement that you received when you opened
your account with
Bank of America. According to this agreement, account
ownership;
statement periods; combined statements; funds
availability; NSF,
overdrafts, and overdraft protection; ATM and Check
Cards; paying
checks; returns and deposits; check safekeeping and
check copies; or
other sections appropriate to the customer's inquiry.
Because you are an important customer to us, we would
greatly appreciate
the opportunity in keeping your account relationship
with Bank of
America. If you need assistance with your account in
any way, please
send us another message, as we are more than happy to
serve you.
We apologize for any inconvenience this may have
caused. If we may be
of further assistance, please contact us again by
e-mail.
Sincerely,
Noella Johns
Bank of America
Email 4:
This is egregious! I talked with ¨Tameika¨ on Bank of
America's live
chat as I opened the account. She said for 60 days
there was no
maintenance fee so that I could have time to set up
the direct deposit
without incurring fees. Is that true or not? Answer
that question,
please. If the answer is ¨not true¨, then I was
flat-out lied to AGAIN
by an employee. Very disgruntled, fantasticterrific
Dear fantasticterrific,
Thank you for your inquiry dated 7/22/05 regarding the
Online Banking
Features. We understand your concern and sincerely
apologize for any
inconvenience you may have experienced.
Please accept our apologies for providing the wrong
information to the
account. The MyAccess Checking account features no
monthly maintenance
fee if you have a direct deposit to your account each
statement period,
for example: a payroll or Social Security check.
Please note that for
each statement period that a direct deposit is not
received in the
account, the monthly maintenance fee is $5.95.
MyAccess Checking offers
-- Easy and unlimited access to your funds through
Bank of America ATMs
-- Online Banking with Bill Pay
-- Automated telephone banking
-- The Bank of America Check Card with Photo Security
-- No minimum balance requirement
-- Unlimited check writing
-- Unlimited teller transactions.
We apologize for any inconvenience this may have
caused. If we may be
of further assistance, please contact us again by
e-mail.
Sincerely,
Christina Victor
Bank of America
There are two ways my life has new meaning (as I
mentioned long ago in this post):
1) To email BOA everyday and tell them that I am
their customer because I don't want to pay 25 dollars
to become 'not-a-customer', not because I am happy, as
well as that I wish I had M&T Bank telling me I was
appreciated or CitiBank telling me thank you.
2) If I ever offend someone and they want an apology
to coldly reply, "Sorry for the inconvenience."
I'll keep you updated on the BOA situation. If anyone
needs to vent on BOA, please post a comment.
__________________________________________________
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